Wife Fail?

22 Comments

If you are a wife and a mother you’d be forgiven for feeling somewhat picked upon of late. If the media is anything to go by we collectively aren’t getting much right.

To start with psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg recently released (and is marketing the bejeepers out of ) a new parenting guide – Strictly Parenting which wags at stern finger and labels us “crap”.

Shame on you - parents!

Shame on you – parents!

 

Then a young Personal Trainer by the name of Allan Trinh tried to spruike his fitness business by accusing new mothers of being fat, lazy and using their kids as an excuse not to prioritize their appearance. Great – now we’re not only crap at parenting, we’re fat, lazy eyesores.

To top it all off we’re apparently neglecting our husbands – or so the celebrity escort Samantha X argues in her new book. If you don’t have a TV set or access to the interwebs you may not have heard about this woman. Let me elaborate. Samantha X aka Amanda Goff is a former magazine editor turned high class call girl. In a logical step she married the two strands of her career and has just published a book.  “Hooked” is the  salacious tale of her double life as a school tuck shop Mum by day and $800 per hour sex worker by night. ( I can’t imagine any of our local canteen volunteers running such a line but you never know….)

The tabloid press has picked up the story and run with it because its text book click bait. Samantha/Amanda has spread herself absolutely everywhere (figuratively speaking of course) in brazen flurry of self promotion. She’s copped an avalanche of slut shaming for her efforts but I have a begrudging admiration for her chutzpah. The phenomena of call girls becoming minor celebrities and penning best selling tell alls is nothing new. Back in the 1800s London society was titilated by the memoirs of high profile courtesans such as Harriette Wilson and Cora Pearl.

The scandalous Miss Harriette Wilson

The scandalous Miss Harriette Wilson

Ms X puts her own 21st century spin her situation by calling herself a “naked therapist”.  Apparently she spends as much time sipping tea and listening to her clients as she does swinging from the chandeliers.   She notes that many of  the blokes feel neglected by their wives and complain about not being “heard”. Hmm. My first thought was that not many of them would be (ahem) ballsy enough to say that they are selfish pricks who are simply bored with their perfectly lovely wives.   My second thought however was an irrational pang of guilt. I wondered if I was giving Dadabs enough love and attention.   I doubt it was her intention but Sam X’s  observations suggested (to me at least) that this was just another way in which modern women are “failing”.

Its reminiscent of sex therapist Bettina Ardnt infamous comments a few years back. Bettina argued that many men (and some women too) were suffering in sexless marriages. The solution was for partner with the lower libido (usually the woman) to lie back and take one for the team. I’d suggest this is happening in most marriages already. Sam X’s musings seem to run deeper than wives feigning sleep or headaches however. There must be some serious disconnection happening if these guys are forking out $800 per hour for a cuppa and a chat with a happy ending?

Its easy to see how it happens. Between raising kids and juggling the housework, paid work and everything else women can often feel too mentally and emotionally drained to “look after” their partners. Tending to the relationship becomes another item on a soul crushing “to do” list.  Couples simply drift apart.

What do you think? Does Sam X have a point? Are women neglecting their relationships or is it just a lame excuse of the part of the paying clientele?

Do you feel that the media is constantly shaming woman and playing upon our feelings of failure?

How do you keep the connection in your relationship?

Love

Mumabulous

PS: This post is in no way intended to “slut shame” Ms X.  Women like her would not be taking to prostitution if there wasn’t a huge demand for it.

22 thoughts on “Wife Fail?

  1. “My first thought was that not many of them would be (ahem) ballsy enough to say that they are selfish pricks who are simply bored with their perfectly lovely wives.” BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH! You are a genius. That is all.

  2. Rather than being a gender thing, you could merely see it as partners feeling let down by partners. Bet there are plenty of women who feel neglected too.

    But there I go – betting again.

  3. I go with the selfish prick theory. Marriage is a partnership where both parties are on an equal footing. Neither one should be so overwhelmed with life they can’t nurture the relationship unless the other person isn’t pulling their weight. My opinion anyway 🙂

  4. I’m not in a relationship so I won’t go throwing around opinions about that however I do feel women are criticised all too often in the media. Hell, we are all criticised all too often – men as well. There’s always some article or news story about how we can be doing this thing called life better. It’s annoying.

  5. I’m firmly in the lame excuse camp. Besides, nobody is THAT good in bed. 800 bucks? I mean, you wouldn’t even pay that much for the Fass! Would you?

    • Hmmmmm – I’ll have to think about that… I’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the week 😉 Meanwhile if Dadabs had $800 and an hour to spend it, he would head straight to Bunnings. That way he can take his tool home and play with it.

  6. I hate how wives have all these expectations on them to ‘look after’ their husbands (as well as everything else!). I think the people who judge and shame women the most are other women. I don’t give one single shit what Ms X does with her time, but I think her comments about wives are crap.

  7. What is the world coming to when we have this crap lashed out on us all the time. Thank Goodness for blogs that keep it real. Everyone talks about what the problem is, but no one offers any answers. The answer is to do the best you can in whatever circumstance you find yourself in and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Marriage has seasons… but some enter Winter and never get out. Another great post Mumabulous.:)

  8. I couldn’t believe her when I saw her interview, my first though were for her children who had to tackle the playground after their mother had been on national TV the night before….I wonder how that went!

  9. So I reckon a bit of action is really the only thing that sets me apart from my hubby and other men, if there’s no intimacy then it’s a sure-fire way for resentment to build, on both sides of the fence! Thanks for linking! Em xx

  10. I totally blame marketing for all this crap. The old ‘create a need then fill a need’. If we were all happy with our bodies, marriages and parenting styles what would they sell us then??

  11. Why is it that wives have all these rules and expectations to comply with and men, husbands are free to dilly dally and fuck about as they please?

  12. You know last time I checked, it takes two people to have a successful marriage. I get so annoyed by the idea that women have to do it all, and then look after our husbands. A great husband realises that the house and the kids are also his responsibility, helps out and then usually gets a bit more action. If a husband says his wife isn’t listening to him, then maybe he needs to find out why, instead of visiting a hooker. #justsaying

  13. High-class call girl, there’s an oxymoron for ya.

  14. Hi! New here. Found you on IBOT. I think this is every woman’s secret fear, that their husband will cheat on them. Does doing it with a prostitute make it less of a sting when you find out about the affair? After all it wasn’t emotional, right. I think that’s just BS. When ever you have sex with someone it is spiritual and emotional, especially if you are sitting and having a good life chat before hand! I think like Jess, above said, it takes two people to make a successful marriage. If the husband is unhappy then he should seek counselling not someone else’s bed!

  15. Loved reading this post and all the comments. Don’t know that I’ve got much to add, except that “my spouse is too tired / doesn’t understand me / insert lame excuse here” is a load of tripe. Instead of searching for greener grass elsewhere, go water your own grass!!!!

    Visiting today from #teamIBOT xxx

  16. I think if ‘partners’ did more of their fair share about the place, they probs wouldn’t need a call girl. It’s ridiculous to me that people have the same expectations at home for women today that they had back in the day when we didn’t also have work to go to and all the rest. Grrrrrr… x

    PS – Love Alicia’s comment!!

  17. It all comes back to that traditional (maybe conservative) saying, “Love the one you’re with” Or let’s use the quote from “When Harry Met Sally” when Harry talks to his friend, Jess about his wife leaving him, in the middle of a baseball game…
    Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.
    Harry: Yeah? Well, that “symptom” is f*cking my wife

  18. I just loved what Janet said (Middle Aged Mamma, above) – try watering your own grass. If either partner is lying back and taking one for the team, there’s an imbalance. Seems that better communication is required rather than simply better shagging. But I do think we ALL cop regularly criticism for pretty much everything we do from the press, depending which report/survey/scandal you choose to tune into.

  19. If ever we are too tired for sex… maybe it is because we are busting our guts to NOT be lazy ass crap parents and all the other things these so called experts are telling us we are doing wrong that we have frig all energy left. Geez the pressure!!

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