People spend hours of their lives that they wont get back compiling lists of things they plan to do before they die. I find bucket lists intimidating, not to mention redundant. There’s no need to specify that you want to do things before you die. Conversely there’s not much point in setting goals for after you die. Although I being the quirky individual that I am, aim to donate my corpse to medical science. I would love for medical students to use my cadaver in a prank (do med students still do that sort of thing?) so someone could at least get a laugh from my demise. Dadabs is fully aware of my wishes but argues that medical science would not want my body. In this sense medical science is like most men I have encountered. A running theme in my life would continue into the great beyond.
Bucket lists are normally filled with lofty aims like not only scaling Everest but all eight of the world’s highest peaks, trekking bare foot to the South Pole and making it more than half way through James Joyce’s Ulysses. These things are hard. They involve effort and commitment, traits that I lack in droves.
I dont know how I became an under achiever. It may have started when I considered that cliched question often asked by motivational types – “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” I briefly assessed my list – run my own Hollywood casting agency, have one of my tunes performed by Weird Al Yankovic* and see the Cronulla Sharks win the NFL premiership. Reality bit hard as I recognised that failure is indeed an option.
Perhaps I should formulate a list of less ambitious goals. Humble achievements are still achievements right?
I present for your inspiration Mumab’s Banal Bucket List.
1) Win a Nobel Peace Prize for mediating between rival factions at the local P&C.
2) See the MacBeth movie starring Michael Fassbender on the big screen. This may not sound like much but negotiating a leave pass, finding a willing babysitter and convincing Dadabs to see a Shakespeare adaption involve tricky logistics. Getting all of this right is like landing the Rosetta space craft on the 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko comet. Its possible but its takes millions of man hours and the expertise of thousands.
3) See Flight of the Conchords live – difficult for the reasons explained above but certainly worthwhile.
4) Slice an onion without feeling like I’ve been attacked with a can of mace.
5) Similarly remove my shoes at the day’s end without being overcome by noxious fumes.
6) Experience a good hair day.
7) Leave the house without forgetting an essential item like a child’s sun hat or drink bottle.
8) Consume this award winning bottle of McGuigan’s sparkling wine in one session.
9) Brush my children’s hair without the neighbours calling DOCS about the screaming coming from our house.
10) Have Dadabulous do the laundry – twice in the same decade.
What’s on your Bucket List – banal or otherwise?
* You’re Gonna Hear Me Snore & Eye Of The Cougar are great candidates. See https://mum-abulous.com/2014/08/04/ive-been-thinking-about/