My First World Issues

20 Comments

Last Sunday was particularly arduous. Swimming lessons followed my five year old’s birthday party. I returned home from the reservoir of toxic chemicals sometimes known as the Des Renford Acquatic Centre at 4:30pm. Drinks o’clock was half an hour away but that didn’t bother me. Nor did the fact that we had drained the open bottle of chardonnay. I grabbed one of Dadabulous’ Cascade blondes and flopped on our bed starring out across our ocean glimpses.  I mumbled to Dadabs that I couldn’t really complain but folks you know me by now. Not having the right to complain wont stop me none.

Life in Chez Abulous is beset by a myriad of first world issues. Here are some of the more taxing;

Have I ever mentioned that I have five bathrooms? Here’s an investment tip for you – buy shares in this stuff. We are keeping the company afloat.

We keep this company solvent.

We keep this company solvent.

Meanwhile perversely on the statistically rare occasion when both of my girls need to relieve themselves at exactly the same moment – they converge upon the same bathroom despite being spoiled for choice. It’s inevitably this one.

The fancy one.

The fancy one.

In our household we experience

Glitter-geddon

Glitter-geddon

Sticker-geddon

Sticker-geddon

Glue-ageddon

Glue-ageddon

Toothpaste-ageddon

Toothpaste-ageddon

and

F8%king soap scum.

F8%king soap scum.

Perhaps its a sign that the end is nigh and I won’t be able to get my house clean for the Messiah’s second coming. Judgement day is fast approached and I will be found wanting.  At the same time you know you are in a party house when you come across hidden stashes in the bathroom.

Ozzy Osbourne never had a stash like this.

Ozzy Osbourne never had a stash like this.

Whilst the grime is taking over the doll population is exploding.

They're multiplying like bacteria.

They’re multiplying like bacteria.

Its outpacing the plaster figurine boom.

The house can no longer support the plasters.

The house can no longer support the plasters.

Its enough to make you want to get plastered.

Sadly this is just apple juice.

Sadly this is just apple juice.

The odd thing is we’ve only got two male toys in the house.

Surely these two can't be responsible?

Surely these two can’t be responsible?

Things in the kitchen are no better. My fruit bowl is full of

f%^king brown bananas.

f%^king brown bananas.

There’s only so many banana muffins one can bake and consume.

We are experiencing problems with technology. Mainly the lack of screens.  Team Abulous consists of four members but we only have two PCs. Even worse there is only one Ipad.

Our precious.

Our precious.

These are merely the tip of the proverbial ice-berg. Delve deeper and you’ll find a myriad of trivial but the nonetheless annoying problems like ;

  • The logistics of parking between two SUVs
  • Sequins embedded in the carpet
  • The delicate art of washing tulle
  • Deciding which items of plastic junk to keep and which to donate to the charity bin.
  • Milk wars – your child wants you to purchase the carton with the pink label then refuses to drink it because its skim.
  • Too much crumpet in the neighbourhood. I have almost permanent whiplash from turning my head to have a perve at a fresh one every few minutes.

What First World problems are affecting your household? Do you have solutions.

Love

Mumabulous

20 thoughts on “My First World Issues

  1. two boys; (plus one husband who actually counts as third boy…)

    toilet seats – up
    cannot aim – ever
    food – I could shop 5 times a day and still not keep up with their consumption
    no glitter – but tiny little bits of lego – EVERYWHERE
    school – finishes tomorrow at NOON

    there are more but I am too tired to type anymore – off for another coffee….xx

  2. Five bathrooms is just INCREDIBLE. It’s like a B and B – you poor love. You could clean 4 and there’d be an unflushable poo lurking on number 5 (probably not at your place but there would be at mine). I do love the glitter stage – it’s lovely – you go out with glitter in your hair (I had 2 boys and we still had a full on glitter stage). Good luck x (my first visit here via Laugh Links at Emily’s Have a laugh on me)

  3. Ugggh, we have multiplying dolls too. Husband wants the toy area torched. And the toothpaste! Kills me every.single.time. Buy a tube and it’s squeezed to within an inch of its life within 48 hours. We also have costumegate here. Where costumes are shared and then stolen and then a full investigation needs to be conducted as to who has what costume, where and why. It’s a conspiracy. Even though they have a set of fairy/mermaid/Frozen costumes EACH. This is why the alcohol industry is booming- parents needing to soothe frazzled nerves from first world problems. x

  4. We put here kids through swim school at Des Renford! There’s enough chlorine in there that you could take your empty harpic bottles for refills, perhaps 🙂

  5. Mine are usually IT related. Or the fact that TV is crappy as school hols approach. Or perhaps that only two places in town have vanilla diet coke. It’s a bit of a toss-up really re which one is the most traumatic!

  6. How does anyone have five bathrooms? LOL.

  7. I still love your toilet seat. My first world problems also include bananas going off in hot weather and I can’t put them in the fridge cos I hate cold bananas. Another one is that raised bit at the bottom of a wine bottle that makes you think you have more left in it than you do 🙂

  8. Five bathrooms would do my head in. I would want a full time cleaner.

  9. Five bathrooms sounds awesome. Surely I could find a toot to hide in, to pee in peace! I envy your local crumpet. You should see the talent next door that parades around in bogan trackies, no shoes and no shirt, pushing a pram no less. Most disappointing.

  10. Those are some serious issues but you only have yourself to blame for glitter gate – that shit is banned in my abode after the incident of 2011 – NEVER AGAIN! I would die if I had 5 bathrooms, in saying that I have cleaner so I’ll just shut up!

  11. My first world problem is trying to get everything done for xmas before we go away before xmas…

  12. There is ALWAYS going to be a price to pay for having five bathrooms!

  13. 5 bathrooms! You poor poor thing, sending lots of sympathy your way right now. I hate clenaing bathrooms. My problem this week is that my grass has been painted pink and blue by two crafty little girls, I have tinsel bits everywhere and a toilet training toddler who is yet to learn restraint when it comes to toilet paper.

  14. With a standard two bathrooms and one perpetually impacted by a 4 year old boy with poor aim who NEVER lifts the toilet seat, I am just going to say that I have first world problems. Our house is really quite large (another first world problem) which makes for more cleaning, and why I don’t insist on a cleaner instead of paying for our daughter’s Chinese lessons (she and our our son being adopted from China) I don’t really know (since she hates said Chinese lessons). The fact that we have our children adopted from China however does give me pause to reflect on first world problems, for which I am most grateful.

  15. Well with a toilet seat like that no wonder everyone wants to converge on that one. Have you considered jazzing up the other loos? I’m with you on the glitter. Argh kill me now. Thanks for the laugh this morning. I was thinking of you last night while watching re-runs of the Rollo Show, I mean, Vikings.

  16. Putting aside all first world issues this weekend mumabs, to attend the end of year concerts and adult parties that follow. The upshot of being so busy is that no-one will visit. The saop scum and cobwebs can fester until next Saturday. First world problems SOLVED.

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