The Twelve Hunks of Christmas

50 Comments

At last some Christmas porn worth (ahem) pinning.

Everybody grab your beverage of choice and sing along with me.

On the first day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Channing Tatum

Joy to the fecking world!

Joy to the fecking world!

That beats a partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Flight of The Conchords

Christmas time is business time

Christmas time is business time

That beats two turtle doves so stick your partridge up your pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Russel Brand

Ho Ho Ho is right Rusty!

Ho Ho Ho is right Rusty!

That’s an improvement on three French hens and two turtle doves so jam your partridge up your pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas the internet gave to me.

Damien Lewis

My My - Damo the red haired crumpet.

My My – Damo the red haired crumpet.

Which was waaaaaaaay better than four calling birds (WTF), three french hens, two turtle doves and a sodding partridge in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Kit Harington

Errrrrramaaaagaaaawd! Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

Errrrrramaaaagaaaawd! Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

 

Mrs Slocombe's retort!

Mrs Slocombe’s retort! Are You Being Served This Xmas?

I’m sure we’d all take Kit over four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a sodding partridge in a pear tree. But five gold rings? That’s a close call.

On the sixth day of Christmas the internet gave to me.

Colin Firth

Its Love Actually even in that sweater (lets mix up our Richard Curtis films)

Its Love Actually even in the infamous sweater (lets mix up our Richard Curtis films)

That wasn’t quite as good as five gold rings but I’ll take it.  You can shove your six geese a laying, four calling birds , three french hens, two turtle doves and your partridge up your pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas the internet gave to me

The Bondi Hipsters

It would be aihronic but aihrony is so 2012.

Walking in a hipster wonderland…

That beat the bejeepers outta seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying (seriously?), four calling birds , three french hens, two turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree. I’m still oscillating on the five gold rings.

On the eighth day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Clive Standen – Thanks internet!

Now there's some bells I'd like to jingle!

Now there’s some bells I’d like to jingle!

Oh my. Forget the eight maids milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, four calling birds , three french hens, two turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree.  I’m still keen on the five gold rings however.

On the ninth day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Ian Somerhalder

Hark the herald angels sing Ian is a red hawt thing.

Hark the herald angels sing – Peace on earth, goodwill to hawt men.

Why would anybody want nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree? Five gold rings I can understand.

On the tenth day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Chris Pratt

My Oh My. Check out the baubles.

My Oh My. Check out the baubles.

That may or may not beat ten lords a leaping depending on who was cast as the lords. So sod nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.  At this point I’m hanging on to the five gold rings.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Tom Hiddleston

Baby make my dream come truuuuuue. Cause all I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu.

Baby make my dream come truuuuuue. Cause all I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu.

Ah Tom – its scientific fact (and nothing to do with my subjective opinion) that Hiddles is the world’s third hawtest man behind my next hunk of Christmas and Dadabulous.  I’d ditch the five gold rings for him.

Anyhoo all together now – stick the eleven pipers piping, ten lords leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and your partridge up your pear tree.

Ok. Lets bring this baby home. Just when you thought my chance has passed I go and save the best for Fass.

On the twelfth day of Christmas the internet gave to me

Michael Fassbender – You’re standing under the mistletoe Fass, how convenient!

 

Have yourself a Fassy little Christfass.

Have yourself a Fassy little ChristFass.

Sing it loud, sing it proud – Fass is hawter than twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a swimming, six geese a laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a fecking partridge in a fecking pear tree.

Phew Thank God that’s over.

Technically I have given you 14 hunks of Christmas. Underpromising and overdelivering is integral to my style. Just to underscore my point – here’s Viggo Mortensen

Peace of earth, Goodwill to hawt older men.

Should older crumpets be forgot and never brought to mind? Hell No!!

and that picture of Colin Firth.

Oh my - all your Christmas just came at once.

Oh my – all your Christmas just came at once.

 

So who would you like to stuff your (ahem) stocking this year?

Mumabs (aka FassBrenda) wishes you a Merry Crumpet and a Hunky New Year.

 

Notes

Channing Tatum was selected by Kirsten Tatum of Kirsten & Co.  http://www.kirstenandco.com/

Kit Harington was hand plucked by Hugzilla Harington.  http://hugzillablog.com/

&

Ian Somerhalder was chosen by Em Somerhalder of HALOM.  http://havealaughonme.com/

 

50 thoughts on “The Twelve Hunks of Christmas

  1. OH GOD I LOVE YOU. Bahahahahahhahaha! Kit Harington with a pussy. You’ve outdone yourself with this and ALL OF IT. And I’m sure you’ll see some interesting search traffic with the delightful phrase “Christmas Porn”. I see lots of disappointed young boys looking to slap the Christmas cracker and finding crumpet-heaven instead.

  2. Russell Brand is welcome at my “pear tree” any day of the week. He can bring Kit Whathisname along and tell him he knows nothing, John Snow, then proceed to give him a few lessons (I will assist).

    Oh. I’ve probably said too much.

  3. Kirsten Tatum! Now that’s a much more exciting surname than Smith!! Brilliant post FassBrenda. Your version of The 12 Days of Christmas is much more entertaining than the original 😉

  4. I’m disturbed I don’t know half these people…Daniel Dae Kim, please. happy xmas to you – I’ll be in touch in Jan re Blogger Bowling….

  5. Oh, thank you for that! I’m just checking my emails before I go to work… so now I’m set for the day!

  6. Love it! I will never tire of imagining Colin Firth getting out of that reindeer jumper and into that bath. Thanks for giving me an excuse to smile like an idiot next time I hear 12 Days in full swing on the Westfield sound system. Merry crumpet to you too Brenda x

  7. It’s a community service you’re providing here Mumabs.

    On behalf of women everywhere, thank you!

  8. Can’t see the photos on my phone. But I’m completely over men and Christmas atm, so I’ll just take the five gold rings and be done with it. Have a good one, Mumabs. xo

  9. Damian Lewis puts the ginger in gingerbread for me 😉

  10. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Ermahgerd! Too funny! Thank you Mizz Brenda! I’ve been eagerly awaiting this post and you did NOT disappoint x Mind you I must be really old because I’d never heard of some of them… not that it mattered 🙂

  11. If there is anything you do well, it is this! Thankyou for photo shopping a santa hat on Channing, I am going to have sweet dreams tonight! 🙂

  12. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love you and your merry men.

    • Such a shame I had to narrow it down to 12 (oops 15). If I were to do another 12 hunks of ChristmasRagnar (Travis Fimmel) would have been on the list and Bjorn and Athelstan and King Eccbert. Oh My The Vikings are hawt.

  13. Now everytime I hear the actual song I am going to be thinking of this instead – thank you thank you thank you!

  14. Lol. Thanks for the eye candy dear! I have to say, rangas aren’t usually my thing, given I am one and all and ranga boys aren’t often cutsie but I dig Damian Lewis. Homeland made it so. Who am I kidding? I’d taken any of these merry men as a house slave 😉

  15. You really are like a farmer, out standing in this field of hawt men! Thanks for this impressive public service announcement!

  16. Aw Colin Firth in that jumper. Bliss. I’m still waiting for Jon Bon Jovi to appear under the tree. Have been since 1987. I’ll wait. I’m patient like that.

  17. Colin Firth every freaking time. He’s got to be like 20 years older than me, surely but he had me with pride and prejudice and no, I don’t care who judges us when they see us out together. Yes, I call him daddy. haha

  18. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I bags Chris Pratt!

  19. Hellloooo! WHO is this Kit Harrington person… Well done collaborators, well done. I’d like to see Robert Downey Jnr hanging around mah mantelpiece….

  20. Merry Christmas indeed!!!
    I’ll take Kit. And Tom. And Colin. And Fass. Hope you’re paying attention, Santa!

  21. Bahahaha! Clive Standen for the win. And Kit because he loves his pussy. 😉

  22. Bahahahahaha! Now this is a 12 days of Christmas I’d be happy to sing! Funnily enough I’m watching ol’ ginger Claus Damien right now. I’m a late bloomer. For next year’s 12 days may I be so bold as to suggest a little Travis Fimmel. That man makes a lack of hygiene look sexy.

  23. love it!!! Very easy on the eye and it even made me sing along!!

  24. TWO pics of Colin Firth – oh I am spoilt tonight x

  25. THIS is the cherry on the pudding … Michael FassBender oh helllooooooooo!!!! Merry Christmas indeed! xx

  26. BEST! I’ll take Damien Lewis in my stocking!

  27. Oh, Colin…It would NOT be a Mumabulous post on hunks without an appearance from Mr Darcy…2 appearances no less 🙂 Not to mention Fassie baby 🙂
    Had never heard from Kit Harrington – do I need a slap for living under a rock?

  28. Russel and Kit, now that’s a very Merry Christmas! This is a fabulous improvement on the original 🙂

  29. I didn’t know a lot of these merry men (we must have different taste) but hands down for the win Mr Mark Darcy! And Russel Brand has a naughtiness that can’t be ignored!

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