Some of the world’s best bloggers (ie Mrs Woog) are putting out their forecasts for 2015. Being a follower rather than a leader and a leaner rather than a lifter, I thought I’d grab a piece of that action. I’ve consulted my crystal balls to give you a list of sure fire predictions for the year just commenced.
1) Peace will not come to the Middle East. For reasons unfathomable to most of the world (myself included) the various factions over there will continue to pummel each other. The West will continue to flush hundreds of billions of dollars down that fiscal S bend. Anyone who points out that the trillions (An estimated $4.4 trillion by the US alone) spent since 2001 might have gone (at least in part) to progressive causes like education, health and infrastructure will be shouted down by flash mobs of Captain America types in star spangled jocks.
2) Global carbon emissions will level off. They may even dip a little bit. The ensuing debate will be an infinite circle jerk along these lines – the fall in carbon emissions was due to the slowing global economy. The slowing economy was due to the various carbon taxes/emission trading schemes.
3) On the home front Tony Abbott wont get any more popular.
4) Bill Shorten realizes that nothing he does enhances TA’s unpopularity. Hence Bill Shorten will do nothing in 2015.
5) How reassuring it is then that we have Clive Palmer to look after the interests of Australian business – specifically his own.
6) Jackie Lambie will obstruct the workings of the senate like a brick on the road. Unfortunately the comparison with a brick does not end there.
7) The inscrutable, arrogant but strangely attractive (I admitted it. I feel somehow unburdened) Malcom Turnbull will continue to simmer away biding his time. Next stop – Treasury?
8) Supporters of the Coalition will mindlessly blame the ALP for everything from our “dire” economic state to the the abundance of Halal food in our supermarkets. Labor have mortgaged our children’s children’s future with their irresponsible spending doncha know.*
9) Similarly supporters of the ALP will lambast the Coalition for turning the nation’s heart to stone. Tony Abbott must personally accept responsibility for taking the women’s movement to the 1950s and single handedly destroying the Great Barrier Reef.
10) No one will be able to locate a rational, nuanced and balanced argument in the Australian media unless it relates to football.
11) Our attention will be diverted by minor outrages. The interwebs will explode every time a minor celebrity parades their nappy clad child, a random politician makes an anti feminist remark or Kochie gaffes. These mini shite storms will occur at the rate of at least one a week. The CSIRO will point to massive increase in hot air. At least it would if it had adequate funding.
12) Australian commercial television will trot out the same tired formulas. Mumabulous will not watch any Australian commercial TV but I will join the rest of the world for Game of Thrones.
13) The next installment of Game of Thrones will screen to unprecedented fanfare not to mention record global on line pirating. If anything threatens to break the internet it’s GoT. However by the end of Series 5 we will be no closer to working out who will ultimately take the Iron Throne. Meanwhile George RR Martin will not finish the next f$%king book in 2015. The chorus of fans fretting that GRRM will die before he completes the series will just get louder. Such concerns are valid.
14) Eddie Redmayne is hawt and will win the Oscar for his portrayal of Stephen Hawkings in The Theory of Everything. Basic Oscar principles are at play here. The actor who depicts a physically challenged character has an extremely high probability of winning. Furthermore an extremely good looking actor who makes him or herself less good looking always takes the gong eg Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron, Matthew McConaughey. It’s as if they must be compensated for the indignity of looking like a normal person for a few months. Tick, tick for Eddie.
The major obstacle in Eddie’s path is Steve Carrell. Steve also made himself unattractive for the movie Foxcatcher. Everybody loves Steve Carrell. Heck I love Steve Carrell but not as much as Eddie Redmayne.
15) Prince Harry will do more stuff like this and my middle aged ovaries wont handle the onslaught. Bless his royal socks.
16) Drinks served in jam jars are officially passe. Jam jars lost their cutting edge some months ago when they were featured in the Woolworths magazine. The problem is that there’s a lag effect with these things. All the hipster cafes expended good money acquiring their jam jars. 2015 will see the jam jars gradually switched out for alternative drinking vessels. I personally favor the Game of Thrones inspired chalice or a shallow dish modeled on the pectorals of Clive Standen.
17) Speaking of Clive Standen – Oh My! Series 3 of Vikings promises to be smokin’ hawt. The gang invades medieval Paris. Mayhem, chaos and good old fashion hawtness must surely ensue. Shirts optional.
18) I recently purchased a very cute child’s swim suit with a pineapple motif. When I adopt a trend its a sure signal that its over. Another fruit needs to step up. Perhaps 2015 is the Kiwi fruit’s time to shine?
19) Footballers across all codes will cause public consternation with their fool hardy antics. I envision more drunken bar brawls and generally vulgar behavior from professional sportsmen in 2015. That overpaid and over sexed meat heads act like twerps is unsurprizing to me. That they continue to film and post their misadventures on social media is.
20) I will bombard you with my personal tastes and subjective opinions. Hopefully it will be done in an entertaining way.
Do you have any predictions to throw on the table. What are your crystal balls saying?
Wishing the blog fans all the best for 2015.
* Back in the heady days of the mining boom when the country was swimming in rivers of gold the Howard government introduced an unsustainable raft of tax cuts and middle class welfare. I dont recall too many people complaining at the time. The ALP did nothing to wind this back but added to it with grandiose (but noble) programs like the NBN etc. Keep in mind that despite the two parties worst efforts Australia’s public debt sits at around 14% of GDP which compares extremely favorably to the OECD average of just over 50%
Nothing shits me more than talk of inter-generational ruination. Our children’s children will no doubt work things out for themselves unless of course we completely trash the environment.