The Secret to a Happy Marriage

29 Comments

The social media outrage-ometre nearly shattered last week – such was the level outrage generated by a number of outrageously outrageous comments. Firstly Detective Inspector Mick Hughes advised women to avoid venturing into parks alone. Then John Laws publicly humiliated an elderly caller who rang in to talk about his experience as an abused child. There’s been a huge call for people to boycott Law’s program and I can say with some smugness that I am way ahead of the curve . I’ve been boycotting John Laws all my life …….. and Alan Jones and Kyle Sandilands.  Tony Abbott compared Bill Shorten to Joseph Goebbels which generated some outrage (seriously when will people learn not to talk about the war). However for my money it was a lame analogy – Nazi propaganda actually worked.

Whilst all of this was pretty bad, peak outrage was reserved for Hollywood actress Eva Mendes (best known for her role as main squeeze to uber-crumpet Ryan Gosling) when she said…. wait for it……………

“You can’t do sweatpants … ladies, No. 1 cause of divorce in America, sweatpants, no!”

The sweatpant-gate story broke on the 18th March and as at the date of writing (21st of March) it is still trending. Three days is a veritable eternity in social media land. Eva and Ryan have both to taken to Twitter to declare the whole thing a joke and re-avow their love of  sweat pants. Nevertheless so much wrong with the original statement.

For starters – lets not call them sweat pants. They are track suit pants. From now on I will refer to them in the Australian idiom as trakka dakkas. Secondly trakka dakkas far from being a leading cause of divorce, are the primary reason for marriages hanging together. I need to emphasize that I am not talking about shiny new, brand name gym wear. I am talking about pizza stained, worn at the knees, grey monstrosities from K-mart. Men get married so that they can sit on the couch, one hand holding a beer, the other slipped neatly within the straining waist elastic of their daggiest trakka dakkas watching the football and still score semi-regular sex. To even the most shameless of players, marriage means having the luxury of hanging up ones skinny jeans, pointy toed boots and smart casual blazer in favor of lounge wear bearing the Bonds label. Trakkas teamed with thick fluffy socks and a low rent polar fleece are a sign of a very strong marriage.

Tom Jones has been married to his wife Melinda since 1957

Tom Jones has been married to his wife Melinda since 1957

For women having to cook and clean on a daily basis is a small price to pay for the privilege of discarding one’s hooker heels and panty hose for  fleecy lined comfort. (Please forgive my sexist generalization here – if a man had written that he’d be shot down in flames. It’s my second favorite double standard*). Nothing is more flattering to a man than to come home from a hard days work to find his wife slaving over a hot stove alluringly clad in his trakka dakkas, polar fleece and thick socks.

Kimye is rock solid.

Kimye is rock solid.

I am personally concerned about the stability of my marriage because I don’t wear trakka dakkas often. (Shock confession I know). I have a Beyonce butt and the things tend to gape around the waste. Generally I stick to teaming Best & Less leggings with  my husband’s fleece and socks. I can’t tell you how much he loves this look. I really can’t.  He likes it almost as much as my cougar pants. I extrude so much raw heat and sensuality in my elastic waisted leopard skin print shorts that Dadabs has to fight to contain his lust.

“You can’t resist my cougar pants” I tease. “I think I can” he replies but I can tell it is taking every last ounce of self control.

Cougar pants - keeps the spark alive.

Cougar pants – keeps the spark alive.

I am sure that there are millions of couples out there feeling jaded and contemplating a split but the thought of having to give up their trakka dakkas for more restrictive garments is too much to bear. It is simply easier to work on the relationship than change one’s pants.

How’s your relationship with your trakka dakkas?

What’s your secret to a lasting marriage.

Love

Mumabulous

** My second favorite double standard is that I can post pictures of shirtless hunks with out being called a misandrist. Its awesome.

If my husband wants to laze around the house like this I'm good with it.

If my husband wants to laze around the house like this I’m good with it.

29 thoughts on “The Secret to a Happy Marriage

  1. This makes me laugh sooooo hard. My husband leaves for work while im still sleeping. I actually get really dressed up for work. He just doesn’t see it! By the time he gets home (he works this complicated spit shift) I’m in my sweats and t shirt again. When he leaves im in my pajamas, and when he comes home I’m in my pajamas. Talk about Groundhog Day of Sweats! Poor guy!

  2. You are bordering on genius girl I think you are actually getting funnier. When are people going to learn not to talk about the war? Snort. I had one pair of stained and bobble covered trackie dacks which my eighteen year old daughter has pinched so it must be a genetic thing handed down from mothers. I’m going to have to buy a new pair when summer finally pings off, and good riddance when it does. Love. Your.Work.

  3. Not sure where I have been but I missed this – then again I try to avoid ‘famous’ idiots. The we get around the tracky debate is that it’s too hot up here to own any!

  4. Poor American women- can’t wear leggings, because men might lust. Can’t wear trackies, because men might divorce. Condemned to a life of tailored trousers. Glad to be an Aussie and currently wearing a pair of comfy, elasticky, stretchy jeans that are tight like leggings but soft and comfy like trackies!

  5. Hello! Loving the hunk photo…hmm I move between thinking ‘stuff it’ and living in my gym gear (even if I haven’t been to the gym…); and getting out some real clothes and actually wearing them…I think the secret to a Happy Marriage is – SPACE – and probably a pair of your fancy cougar pants…

  6. I’m looking forward to the weather cooling so I can embrace tracky daks again. I’ve missed their comfort. Thankfully I no longer have to get dressed to go to the office so I am looking forward to a whole winter of dagginess that is really ultra sexiness – I can’t wait!

  7. I cant stand the kind with elastic at the ankles, but I wouldnt have survived winter in Canberra without my cowbear pants! They were tracky pants with fuzzy cow print… do daggy but my hubby loved them on me 🙂 I even bought him some fuzzy monkey trackies so we could be daggy matchers!

  8. Some nights I can’t wait to get out of the glad rags, don my trackies and whip of my bra! I so wish my hubby looked like that in tracky daks. I just cringe when he insists on tucking his shirt into them! Hello Kell Knight!

  9. Love me some trackie dacks but mostly too hot. I do wear a whole lot of yoga gear, just lounging around. Going bra-less and trackie-clad is definitely a sign of domestic harmony, if not sex.

  10. Trakkie Daks all the way I say!!! If you can’t handle the heat get out of my kitchen because I’m not getting rid of my trakkies!

  11. Poor Eva, you can’t say anything in jest these days without being shamed and ridiculed. Plus, the real cause of divorce is obviously ugg boots, duh.

  12. LOL … hubster loves it when I wear his clothes, all big and baggy … which is weird because normally he prefers figure hugging! Men! I’ll never work ’em out!

  13. Mr McD and I are most happy when we’re at home in our ‘comfies’ – as soon as we get in the door from work it’s straight off with the work clothes and on with the trackies!

  14. It’s way too hot for trakka dakkas around these parts. As soon as the kids are in bed, I whip off the old slingshot and put on a daggy nightie. Yep, I’m in my pjs by 7.30pm every single night. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m too old and tired to be worrying about dressing up in the evenings after a long day.

  15. If my husband wants to laze around the house like that, I’m good with it too!

    We’re comfy pants and daggie shorts all the way around here. The fact is, if hubby and I married each other for our bodies, we’d be in trouble after 7 years, for opposite reasons. Two kids ballooned me like a rubber dingy someone tugged the rip cord on, and those same two kids have killed hubbies gym trips, so he’s pretty well reverted to ‘skinny nerd’. In fairness though, I quite like that in a man, and since he’s all about the boobs my weight gain hasn’t really been an issue either LoL.

    Maybe Eva was speaking metaphorically? Metaphorical sweat pants, or laziness in the relationship, rather than any kind of physical laziness. You know, where you start taking each other emotionally for granted and stop making an effort to be emotionally attractive to your partner? If you look at it that way, it’s kinda deep.

  16. LAUGHING HARD! Incidentally if you wanted to some stripper heels to go with your cougar pants …drop me a line. I bought some once thinking they looked hot but can’t get out the front door in them.

  17. Hey I think trackie daks have saved my marriage. lol…as I sit here blogging in tracks, big sweater (no bra) and ugg boots.. some people are just idiots really.. Thanks for a friday laugh.

  18. Lol…this post made me laugh out loud. And my colleagues are now wondering if I’m watching cat videos again.

    My trackie dacks make their appearance in the colder season…so it’s getting close! My partner though, hasn’t seen me in them because we only started seeing each other in August last year and well, I ditched them by September. It’ll be interesting to see how he copes. I add a fleece robe to my winter night outfit when I’m home because I;m too cheap to have a heater going.

  19. hahahaha love it!!! I live in sweat oants when I can so I guess I am doomed….love the new header!!!

  20. Oh I didn’t know that there was such a long debate going on about The Sweatpants online!!! Guess I am behind the times….
    But then again I am not into the latest fashion trends so whatever makes me comfy I tend to stick with, and yeah I am the biggest dag and hubby and I have been married for 20 years. Actually he doesn’t even notice when I dress up so whats the point of going to all the trouble 😉

  21. I read what Eva said and of course it went off like a firecracker online through social media. I don’t wear sweat pants or track pants. I just feel too daggy in them. I don’t even wear my hubbies clothes. Each to their own on what they feel comfortable with! What the heck does Eva wear when she works out though?

  22. I must have my head in my own ass as I seriously missed all of this hoo haa this week. I am a leggings and bed socks kind of gal too so I best be staying out of that debate x

  23. I love wearing my trackie dacks – they make me feel comfortable and happy. And as my Handy Hubby says – “happy wife, happy life”

  24. How did I miss Ryan and Eva! And err … like others, I kinda live in my soft pants at home so I guess the secret to a lasting marriage is to find someone who loves soft pants as much as you do?!

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