More Shite I’ve Learned From TV

19 Comments

When you are feeling directionless in life the best response is to drink alcohol and watch the TV. Its educational, enlightening and can often make you feel better about your current life circumstances. For instance whenever I find myself a little frustrated or dissatisfied,  I think to myself that things could be way worse – I could be Sansa Stark or (shudder) Theon Greyjoy.  In my previous post I bored you all by divulging what I have learned from my particular TV fetishes. This time I am casting my net a little wider. Here’s what I have learned from

Breaking Bad

The basic equipment, expertise and distribution networks necessary to set up a thriving Crystal Meth empire can be found at your local public high school. One can only imagine that sending your kids to a private school will give them access to an entirely better class of drug manufacturer.

Shaving your head and sprouting a goatie makes anyone look a like a BAMF yo yo. (That’s a bad arse mother f^&ker).

Plenty o' BAMF

Plenty o’ BAMF yo yo!

For male viewers Breaking Bad is a fascinating journey into the heart of darkness within every man’s soul. Meanwhile its a dark journey for female viewers for different reasons – there is no crumpet. Dark.

The Walking Dead

TWD is not about a relentless fight against the zombies. Its really about the psycho-socio dynamics within groups facing adversity. Even more so it’s about Daryl Dixon’s bulging biceps.  I would go so far as to say the over arching thematic of this show is Daryl’s toned torso.  I must add that his mighty cross bow isn’t in any way phallic. (Not at all. Meanwhile I know of some ladies who would happily park Daryl’s crossbow under their bed).

The cross bow deserves and Emmy.

The cross bow deserves an Emmy.

Thanks to the influence of The Walking Dead (and the plethora of rip offs) my five year old now believes we all turn into zombies when we die. When she comes of age I will show her Shaun of the Dead to demonstrate that some of us don’t have to wait that long. Meanwhile she always yells out “there’s the zombies” when we drive past a grave yard.

Teaming a black eye patch with a solid black outfit can make anyone look like a BAMF.

Watch out - more BAMF.

Holy shite! BAMF approaching!

I liked Andrew Lincoln before it was cool. Anyone remember “This Life” – about a naughty bunch of of lawyers in the 1990s? (Not to be confused with Ally McBeal).

They might look wholesome but they were really very naughty.

They might look wholesome but they were really very naughty.

Game of Thrones

What we’ve learned from Game of Thrones is the subject of acres of internet discussion. For me the major take away is that HBO has only itself to blame for the global explosion in online piracy. If they made this show accessible without having to sign up to FoxTel most people would do the right thing and pay.

Some other points of interest.

People who have read the books will take every opportunity to display their intellectual and cultural superiority over the plebs who have only watched the show. Their catch cry being “read the f^#king book”. The joke is on the book readers of course with the TV writers Benioff and Weiss diverging from the books significantly. Cue more outrage and disgust from the purists.

J = L+R

Dont read the spoilers.

Incest – don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. On second thoughts, it results in spawn like Joffrey. Knock it! Don’t try it.

I’d love to hear a female character utter the line “You wear nothing Jon Snow”.

Due to the GoT effect I’ve become increasing unshockable. Back in Season 6 of Mad Men Don Draper indulged in a menage a trois. Prior to GoT I would have been titillated by that but I’d only just witnessed Oberyn having a six way in Little Finger’s brothel.  So menage a trois – meh. Three might be a crowd but six or more is a party.

My GoT snog, marry, shoot.

Snog – Jon Snow, Marry – Jorah*, Shoot – F%&KING Ramsey.

 

So hawt!

So hawt!

Hawt damn

Hawt damn.

Make a dragon wanna retire man!

Make a dragon wanna retire man!

What have you learned from TV?

Which shows do you think deserve the Mumabs treatment?

Love

Mumabulous

* Why Jorah? – he’s a ruggedly handsome middle aged ginga much like Dadabulous. So it wouldn’t be much of a stretch. The mindless devotion to the Khalessi would be admittedly be a problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

19 thoughts on “More Shite I’ve Learned From TV

  1. I’m just excited about my nightly date with David Tennant right now. I am wondering what’s stopping me from watching GoT – maybe I’ll stop blogging if I do and then what would my 8 followers do? I also think I’ve got a bit soft in my old age and seen way too much medieval brutalising of women… give me Daleks any day. Exterminate!

  2. The Vampire Diaries, if you aren’t already on board. I’m in the midst of season 2 (thanks, netflix!) and drrrooolling over Damon (Ian somethingorother)

  3. I found the suspense of BB to be all the crumpet I could handle… x

  4. Currently watching season 2 of Damages. Season 1 of Damages taught me that bloody hell. Glenn Close is a freaking AMAZING actor.

  5. I haven’t seen an episode of these programs (totally out of the loop). I am missing Gogglebox, my all in one reality tv catch up and it’s a bit of a laugh.

  6. I seriously go into zombie mode when I’m watching TV. Maybe I should pay more attention – I might learn something!

  7. I’m all about the Netflix right now – Bloodlines, The Returned, Kimmy Schmidt. Actually, you should give your treatment to Kimmy Schmidt, that would be interesting?
    You’ve got me thinking though, who would I choose for my own GoT Snog/Marry/Shoot (tackling the big issues late on a Friday night)? I think I would snog Oberyn, marry Jon Snow, and shoot Selyse (Stannis’ wife). She’s so frigging annoying, and boring, and a bi-atch.

    • So many great snogging options on GoT. I was so bummed when they killed Oberyn. He was a dirty dawg but he was awesome. I am unfamiliar with Kimmy Schmidt- will have to do some research. Thanks for the tip.

  8. You wear nothing Jon Snow. Haha. I don’t think Daryl Dixon is at all appealing. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?

  9. Two words – Our Girl. From ABC (BBC) and the Bossman – be still by beating heart………

  10. Oh lord, it’s a toss up between Jorah and Jon isn’t it? I do have a bit of a thing for Jorah, but that’s probably doomed now after his run in with the rock people. To be honest, I’d give Jamie a red-hot go. I mean, I know he’s been sticking his sister for years, but his soft spot for Brynne really made me look twice at him.

    And am I the only one who thought Jesse was a bit of alright on BB? I was even quite satisfied by Gus in a weird way. While he had both sides of his face of course.

  11. Jaimie would be number on my snog list but the twincest thing is a turn off. Meanwhile I hope he and Brienne can get together – she totally kicks arse!!! Love her – my second fav character behind Tyrion.

  12. I clearly don’t want enough TV. I love netflix but I don’t know how to connect it to my TV (I currently watch a friend’s.) I do love a bit of trash TV though, so I guess I’ve learnt you can be trashy and talentless and still get paid/be famous. For a short while anyway. There’s hope for everyone kiddies.

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