Hits & Old Skool

21 Comments

What Not To Wear

A friend of mine who has three kids yet has somehow managed to maintain a go ahead career and something resembling a social life has invited me along to the Dita Von Teese burlesque show – Strip, Strip Hooray!

Given the need to get my voluminous butt out of the house I agreed. Now I find myself shelling out good money to watch a woman disrobe. That’s just not normal for me. Dadabs reaction when I requested a leave pass was ‘so Dita is going to tease you for a couple of hours is he?’

‘Urm…. Dita’s a woman.’

Guess Dadabs feels cheated that I’m going to a girlie show while he minds the kids. Anyhow the whole burlesque thing isn’t meant to be pervy (so I tell myself). Its about sensuality, glamour and style – qualities I lack in droves.

At forty five I’m in the worst shape of my life and I’m tired . My stripper name should be something like Frau Von Frumpenstein Das Hausen Wiven.  My signature move – kicking off my house slippers with reckless abandon and backflipping onto the couch.

I’m not sure that watching a gorgeous and well maintained woman cavorting in a martini glass is going to do much for my ego.

dita-von-teese-nella-coppa-di-martini

This is helping me – how?

Meanwhile a more pressing question is what does one wear to such an event? A rhinestone g-string and nipple tassles being out of the question. Any suggestions would be fully appreciated but it’ll have to something stretchy (which rules out a corset!).

Dita-Von-Teese in corset

What I won’t be wearing to see Dita..

Hits and Old Skool 

The car radio is currently on some music station – I think its 2day fm. Being the turbo nerd that I am I’d prefer ABC 702 but its not worth the kids whinging. Its not that I’m complaining about the music of today (I’d quite happily go Downtown with Macklemore or Eat Cake by the Ocean with Joe Jonas. Even Bieber is approaching tolerable lately).

The problem is this station’s slogan -‘Hits and Old Skool’. The don’t have the faintest notion as to what ‘old skool’ actually is. ‘And coming up we’ve got some old skool R&B’ the announcer will declare before dragging out some Beyonce or Rhianna. I’ve got no beef with either of these but THEY ARE NOT OLD SKOOL!!!!!! In fact if it happened after 1990 it ain’t Old Skool!

I still think Blur’s Song 2 (1997)  is a radically fresh beat – Wooohooo, Wooooooohooooooo!

Blur

Blur are on flek! Not at all Old Skool!

To my mind Old Skool is Mick Jagger not getting any Satisfaction.

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I call bullshit! Mick Jagger gets oodles of Satisfaction on daily basis and has done so since 1963.

Old Skool is Marc Bolan getting it on, banging a gong.

Marc Bolan.jpg

T-Rex putting the glam in glam rock circa 1971.

It’s Chaka Khan knocking you out at 20 paces with the sheer might of those vocals. (The Jasmine Thompson cover of Aint Nobody was a travesty)

Chaka_Khan_Onstage_3

Chaka Khan – Old Skool soul queen.

Nevertheless the cognizanti at 2-Day Fm insist on calling stuff that was released this century ‘old skool’. Someone needs to skool them…

bob_marley

This guy could teach a thing or two about Old Skool.

Netflix and Chill

Kids these days. Not only do they not comprehend the concept of ‘Old Skool’, they use the term Netflix and Chill as a euphemism for doing the business, hiding the salami, getting nasty, taking the skin boat to tuna town, banana in the fruit salad, attacking the pink fortress and jamming the clam.

To me this is debasing the noble act of vegetating in front of the tele. In middle age an evening reclining in front of box is a more enticing prospect than metaphoric netflix and chill except perhaps when this is on………

Outlander

Errrrrmaaaaagaaaaaaawd!!!!!! I am ashamed that this masterpiece of hunksplotation escaped my attention for this long.  However now that I am aware of it I am honor bound as a cougar to spread the word. So here goes –

Outlander focuses on an unreasonably hawt  man swashbuckling around the Scottish highlands circa 1740 in a kilt.

Outlander 2014

Meet my latest fancy – Sam Heughan

I won’t go into the complex machinations of the plot save to say that if this crumpet had a dating profile he’d list his hobbies as sword fighting and folk-dancing (of the horizontal variety – talk about a Highland fling – Oh my!) It’s quite remarkable how much netflix and chill goes (ahem) down in 18th century Scotland considering that Netflix was not founded until 1997 and Don Draper invited chill in the 1960s.

My husband sums the whole thing up with  comments like ‘this is descending into soft porn’ and ‘this guy sees more action in one episode than most men do in a month.’ Yes well – I wonder why? Take my sage advice cougars – you need to cop an eyeful.

Meanwhile its mildly disconcerting that Dadabs is watching Outlander with me but won’t sit through Vikings. Must be all of those Scottish tits……

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Poldark

Poldark-Scene-Icons_05

Aiden Turner does the hardest smolder since Mr Darcy

and Peaky Blinders

Peaky-Blinders-S2-episode-3-06

Cillan Murphey’s a sharp dressed man. 

Have you been a burlesque show?

What’s your definition of Old Skool?

Got any Netflix and chill recommendations for this old cougar?

Love

Mumabulous

Bonus Material – Buffet of Crumpets (Oooops – I mean Game of Thrones ) discussion.

Warning: Contains Spoilers and is deadly boring for non fans.

It’s no secret that I, like millions of middle class people with too little excitement in their lives, am obsessed by Game of Thrones. Not obsessed enough to actually read the books – God no! I want to actually see the crumpets.

Anyhow Season 6 is in full tilt and I am completely enthralled by the goings on in Westeros (and indeed Essos) despite some of the plot points being quite preposterous. I mean the Pyke stuff is eye roll inducing – Balon Greyjoy  pushed off a rickety suspension bridge? This is NOT the Star Wars canon….

That aside there are some engrossing developments afoot. The storyline I am cheering hardest for revolves around my 2nd favorite character* – that kick ass dame Brienne and that big hunk of ginger lurve – Tormund. I just adore what the internet is doing with this pairing.

tumblr_o7p0jn3dPy1tgixllo1_500

People have time to do shite like this – it’s awesome!

Unfortunately now that something kinda’ sweet is happening I fear the worst because Benioff and Weiss are assholes.  I’m deeply concerned that

a) Brienne will get killed off before she gets to experience pure unbridled wildling passion

or

b) Worse still – Tormund will finally wear Brienne down and she’ll finally cop some sweet lovin’. The Bri-mund consummation will happen at exactly the same moment Jaime decides that twincest is for chumps and rides out to find her. Oooops. It never rains but it pours….

Jaime and Brienne

I told you before – this is NOT the Star Wars canon!

*Tyrion – FTW!!!!!

21 thoughts on “Hits & Old Skool

  1. Oh man, I can’t believe you’re only just finding Outlander?! Seriously, I am so in love with Jamie, whether it be in book form or TV form that I am on my 5th consecutive reading of the books (there are 8 books, approx. 1000 pages each, which just shows you my level of devotion that I’m on my 5th go round in 18 months! I never wanna read anything else, ever again!).

    Strangely Dave has been watching it with me and appears to be quite in to it (we are watching the second season via Foxtel at the moment) and yet he wasn’t in to Vikings either. Strange, our men.

    And I hear you on GoT. Brimund has to happen, although I fear that some foul play may come to her since being sent off by Sansa on what could be a wild goose chase (fucking Littlefinger, can’t believe a word he says, the Blackfish is probably dead!). I almost died with that lovely glimpse of Jon’s ass crack the other week though. I am really enjoying season 6 I gotta say, probably because I have no idea what is gonna happen now they have gone beyond the books (yep, I’m a nerd whose read the books). I’m dying because Dave is on night shift tonight & tomorrow night which means I won’t get to see today’s new episode till at least Wednesday night. Seriously, that’s like 6 years in GoT time!

  2. I know – it’s a absolute disgrace that I have only just discovered Outlander or as I like to call in Out-rooter. I think my husband is only watching it so he can complain about it or perhaps he quietly fancies the main chick (what a lucky biiaaatch she is).
    Meanwhile back in Westeros it looks like Brienne and Jaimie Lannister are both headed for Riverrun and will no doubt catch up. So perhaps the Brienne/Jamie shippers will get a little treat? I just want her to get some sweet lovin’ one way or another. If all else fails Pod could step up?

  3. Do you really think Jaime and Brienne are a possibility? Nah. Tormund for sure.

    I’m nudging Scotto to download Outlander as I write.

    “My stripper name should be something like Frau Von Frumpenstein Das Hausen Wiven. My signature move – kicking off my house slippers with reckless abandon and backflipping onto the couch.”
    Funniest two lines in a post I’ve ever read.

    I’d wear something warm if I were you. Winter is coming.

    • There you’ve decided it for me – I shall wear my handmade Stark coat complete with direwolf emblem. Re: Jaime/Brienne – he would not have a valerian steel sword forged for just anyone you know…. The latest intelligence has it that they are both heading to Riverrun so I’m sure they’ll catch up. Meanwhile it looks like Tormund is staying back to help JS round up the wildling army. Love has missed its chance! i reiterate – Benioff and Weiss are arseholes.

  4. Outlander. I have had a crush on Jamie since I was a teen, reading along with all the saucy scenes! Sam H is perfectly cast!
    GoT. The Brienne and Tormund twist- go them! Brienne is a passionate woman- she deserve a bit of wold long fire and I need something to make up for Hodor!

  5. “Buffet of Crumpet” BAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAH! DYINGGGGG!!!!!!

  6. Going to make an embarrassing confession and admit we don’t yet have Netflix, not because I don’t want it, but because I don’t know what the hell I have to do to get it! My daughter has it in her room, must ask her to hook us up.

  7. Mumabs, I am shocked and dismayed that you’ve only just found out about Outlander. I inhaled the first season in a couple of weeks, but need some time out after that season finale before I get into the next one.

  8. Can I admit that I had no idea bout Outlander either? smacks own bottom. I LOVED the books, so can’t wait to get this a snaffle! xx

  9. I watched s1 of Outlander (hadn’t read the books) but it didn’t really do it for me. If it was on free-to-air TV I’d probably watch it if nothing else was on, but… meh.

    I did a burlesque dance class a couple of years ago (well, I’ve done two) and neither time did I perform in the end of year show… it involved corsets and stuff and I am very overweight. (Plus everyone else was about 20yrs old!)

  10. I heard “Wonderwall” on Triple M’s classic rock segment and didn’t know whether to be pleased or depressed. PS thank you for gratutious Damon Albarn in his prime pic.

  11. I’m so out of it both music and TV wise. I might just back under my rock now…
    I had to explain what Netflix and Chill means to my 12 yo the other day and he didn’t believe me. I am not looking forward to high school next year…

  12. I enjoy your sense of humor and insight into your writing! I have been to a burlesque show in Paris, but I think I just wore jeans, nothing fancy. I’m intrigued to hear how your experience goes and what thoughts you’ll have about it.

  13. Pingback: What To Wear To A Burlesque Show - Kirsten and co.

  14. Haha.. just enjoyed reading this..

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