2016 – A Year of Fails

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If social media is an accurate gauge of public opinion, the entire global population wants to give 2016 the finger.

The year began dreadfully with the deaths of David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Prince (God rest their crumpety souls) and finished with the Sam Armytage granny knickers fiasco. These awful events bookmarked  twelve months of head scratching chaos.

2016 gave us the truly heinous US presidential election campaign, Brexit, a stumbling economy, an insolvable refugee crisis, Hiddleswift and the bastardization of Tim Tams.

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On the positive side – 2016 gave us some great memes

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But we did have to suffer some truly awful combinations

hiddleswift

Hiddleswift being slightly less palatable than toffee apple Tim Tams

From a personal view point, things were not too shabby. My marriage remains intact, the kids are thriving and my husband’s software business continues to push forward. I truly have no cause for complaint – but heck that’s never stopped me before. I’m here to tell you that the Mumabs, keeping in line with the world in general, suffered some shithouse fails this year.

I risk embarrassment by relating them to you now because failures make for entertaining reading. If you’ve achieved any thing at all in your life this year, my litany of shame should help you  feel superior.

Business fail

I was embroiled in a business fail this year – my own personal tech wreck. Back in 2015 I accepted a role with a plucky tech start up. They were an optimistic bunch who, emboldened by past successes, aimed to ‘disrupt’ their industry, becoming the next Scott Farquhar and Mike Cannon-Brookes in the process.  (I truly loathe the term ‘disrupt’ now. Its as bad as ‘agile’.)

Instead the thing crashed and burned. The disaster was visible from a long way off – much like Pamela Anderson running in slow motion along the beach in that red swimsuit. Such predictability did not prevent vicious infighting and the whole affair turned ugly indeed.

pammy

Like Pamela’s assets this business fail was obvious from a long way off.

The machinations behind this debacle would have made for some very interesting blog posts. It could perhaps be padded out to book form – something along the lines of ‘How to fail in business without really trying’.  However as  I want to work in this town again you wont be hearing the whole story from me.

Meanwhile I will say the Voluntary Administration process is quite an eye opener. Talk about corporate vultures. Malcolm Turbull’s innovation nation is likely to lead to a bloodied feast for that industry.

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Not my start up team – sadly.

Creative fail

So I finished my debut children’s novel. Captain Outback – the hilarious tale of Jack ‘Jacko’ Jackson, a simple jackaroo who gets more than he bargained for whilst visiting an outback dunny. A bite on the arse by a genetically enhanced red back spider leaves him with superpowers.

I had my magnum opus proof read, sent it to the publishers and sat back waiting for the accolades to roll in. Soon I dreamed, I would go from the drudgery of cash flow projections and balance sheets to rubbing shoulders with the likes of Andy Griffith, Anh Do, Aaron Blabley and Richard Roxborough.

Turns out the publishing world is not yet ready for a super hero spoof with an Australian twist. My heart story was met with resounding rejection. It looks like I wont be doing any Elizabeth Gilbert style TED talks about harnessing creativity any time soon. (But I probably could do one about how to cop a perve).

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Me giving a TED talk about the art of perve copping.

 

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Aiden Turner – perve coppee (Sorry that was 2015)

In order to gain some insight into my failure I attended a children’s writing work shop with the Australian Writers Centre. I learned much from the two day course, the key takeaway being that Captain Outback bombed because it is shite. Perhaps I’ll try again with something else. I wonder if I could fashion a story around a dirty old cougar trying to cop a perve. I can just see the subheading – ‘based on a true story’.

Health and fitness fail

Once again I failed to lose weight. This arose from a chronic inability to a) exercise and b) break out of the coffee/booze cycle. As my capacity to give a shit is diminishing with each passing year I predict that I will once again fail to lose weight in 2017. My poor shape is brought into stark relief along side my husband’s chiseled abs. Bastard. My longer term prediction is that I will wear smocks for the rest of my life.

EXCLUSIVE... EXCL...Beyonce Knowles Holidays With Jay-Z In Italy

Not me – I’m too white and nerdy but this will be my beach wear from now on.

Investment fail

OK – this one is totally in the #first world problems bucket. I sold all my stocks out in 2011 and  to my great shame have only just taken baby steps back into the market. I thought I was extremely clever buying a big four bank and an energy stock on a dip. It turns out these stocks were dipping for a reason and they continued to do so. I was not fully across developments in these industries and now I’m down about 6.5%.

I’m rationalizing this bungle with the old adage ‘It’s not timing the market. It’s time in the market.’ I’ll just sit on my position and wait for the stocks to recover – which happily they are. Meanwhile let this be a lesson to you cougars – doing your research might not prevent you from losing money on the stock market but it will stop you from feeling like a complete numpty.

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My investments

How was 2016 for you? Did you smash it or get smashed?

Love

Mumabulous

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At least Jon Snow took Winterfel this year.

 

11 thoughts on “2016 – A Year of Fails

  1. Always a pleasure to see a new Mumabs post pop up in my feed. I moved house this year. I guess you could call that a successful venture but it was a ridiculously time consuming venture that prevented anything much else from being achieved! I did meet Richard Roxburgh though, so that’s the ‘pros’ side of the 2016 ledger sorted.

  2. Awww. Sorry for the publishing rejectionsl. It sounds like a gem! Can’t be completely shite can it? Keep at it. Onward and upward!
    x o

  3. You could always self pub. Look a that smash words thingy where you make an e book. You could be the next JKR! Then your investment issues would t matter and you could meet all the crumpets when auditioning stars to play Captain Outback in the film franchise! (Gawd, I love your posts. More please!)

  4. Here’s to a fabulous 2017. Stocks rebounding, book draft #2, successes outweighing failures. And now I have Pam anderson stuck in my brain for the day bleurgh!

  5. I wouldn’t be giving up on that book if I were you. One man’s shite is another man’s treasure. Look at it this way, this year you learnt a lot. If you don’t try nothing will ever happen. Is that enough platitudes for you? Lovely to hear from you, Mumabs. Have a fantastic Christmas and next year will be much better, I bet.

  6. 2016 has been a year of triumph and failures, but mostly triumphs!! Looking forward to the new year.

  7. I’ve always been a bit hesitant to be taught anything creative, because what’s the point of creativity with rules? But having said that, I know that sometimes knowing the rules means you can break them in an awesome way. And sometimes things like having a writing prompt feel narrow but lead to great creativity.
    Basically, I have NFI where I stand and doubt I ever will!
    Maybe it comes down to having the tools to analyse your own work, rather than the opinions of others?

  8. Bahaha, John Snow! There is always a positive somewhere. 2016 was pretty shithouse for me, mostly mentally, because other than mentally things were pretty good, it just didn’t feel like it at the time because my brain is a stupid bitch. But the brain is getting better, and so I hope will my mental 2017 be better too! Can’t wait to finish the Christmas shopping tomorrow and then get on to the serious business of relaxing and enjoying the last days of 2016 with my family and friends.

  9. I think the smock is underrated. It’s my outfit of choice these days. I’m sure there’s been plenty of awesome ventures in between the bad ones. There’s been good and bad in my year. I’ve made some big changes. I’m still trying to work out whether they’re for the best or not :/

  10. Mumabs, as ever I love your work. I felt like I was going round in circles with my freelance work this year. Now I’m jobbed up and, three weeks in, can tell it was the right move. 2016 may have been FUBARred in lots of ways, but it’s ending all right. Trump notwithstanding. Xx #teamIBOT

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